


something special to hold

by poes



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Childhood Friends, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:01:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27702461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poes/pseuds/poes
Summary: "How is it that Christmas always brings out the bratty side in you?" He says, exasperated, though she can still hear the smile on his voice."They do say that it's the magical time of the year." she tells him, smiling cheekily."God, how have I put up with you during all these years?" he rolls his eyes, grabbing a kitchen towel and snapping it at her, hitting her lightly in the arm."Please,” she scoffs, “you practically bullied me into moving in with you, you love me and you know it, Bell."***Or: Clarke decides that Christmas is a good time as any to tell her best friend she loves him.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 89





	something special to hold

* * *

"You're going to burn them, _again_." Clarke tells Bellamy, softly laughing at the offended expression that crosses his face at her teasing.

"First of all, I, unlike you, know how to work an oven and if you remember correctly, the last batch of cookies got burned because of you not being able to follow a simple recipe, not me."

Now it's her turn to act offended.

"It's not my fault that your oven has different settings than what it said on the book, how was I supposed to know that every kitchen works differently, Bellamy?"

She has to fight hard to keep her tone serious and the smile that wants to escape hidden, though she can see that Bellamy is also having a hard time with that himself, slyly biting on his lower lip to keep from smiling and eyes sparkling with joy.

"You're hopeless, Griffin." is what he ends up saying in the end, shaking his head and looking down at the raw Christmas cookies on the tray to hide the smile that spread on his face at his words.

"Good thing I have you then, huh?"

"How is it that Christmas always brings out the bratty side in you?" He says, exasperated, though she can still hear the smile on his voice.

"They do say that it's the magical time of the year." she tells him, smiling cheekily.

"God, how have I put up with you during all these years?" he rolls his eyes, grabbing a kitchen towel and snapping it at her, hitting her lightly in the arm.

"Please,” she scoffs, “you practically bullied me into moving in with you, you love me and you know it, Bell."

She laughs as she avoids his next attempt with the towel, jumping out of the way and beginning to walk backwards towards the living room to get away from it.

"Matter of fact, I know you love me so much that you'll clean up on your own while I take a shower, isn't that right?" She says as she maintains eye contact, watching as he rolls his eyes at her in exasperation.

"Yeah, yeah, brat. Go take your shower."

"Love you too!"

In more ways than he could ever imagine.

* * *

Bellamy had been in Clarke's life since she could remember, Aurora having moved in next door to the Griffins and becoming fast friends with the family.

Bellamy, being five years older than her, had been there from the moment she was born, their first interaction ever caught on a picture that's still proudly displayed to this day in both of their houses.

In it was five-year old Bellamy wearing a yellow penguin shirt and his forever-wild curls, holding two weeks old Clarke and staring down at her with his trademark cheeky smile.

They were inseparable ever since Clarke could start to play with him and they used to spend their time as kids running around leaving messes everywhere, laughs ringing behind them.

Twenty-five years later and they're still best friends and as of four years, roommates, something that Clarke both cherishes and loathes in equal measure because she wants them to be so much more than that.

She first realized she was in love with her best friend three years ago; having just found out that she was the other woman in someone else's relationship she was wallowing and licking her wounds in the privacy of her room in their shared apartment. Bellamy had knocked on the door and when she let him in he showed her a grocery bag filled with her favorite snacks and movies to binge on.

She remembers that moment so clearly, the memory ingrained in her mind, the nonchalant way in which he presented everything to her, as if it wasn't a big deal that he had taken the time to come cheer her up, what he was wearing ( _old faded blue sweater_ ), the state of his hair ( _unruly as ever_ ) and his un-ironically big round glasses sliding down his nose, all puzzle pieces of a memory that will forever live in her heart. 

She had spent the entire day stealing glances at him, being overly aware of his presence right next to her on the bed, his thigh touching hers, arm around the back of her shoulders with his fingers running absent-mindedly through her hair.

Every interaction was suddenly amplified after that day, every action she previously wouldn't have bat an eye at left her out of bounds, breathless in her discovery of something that should have been obvious to her but somehow took her over twenty years to figure out.

Three years had gone past, years in which she had to put up with one night stands and girlfriends and boyfriends, endless flirting on nights out that left an uncomfortable ache in her chest.

This year was different though, Bellamy seemed to cut back on it all and focused on himself and work, spending most nights at home and on the occasional outings to bars returning early to watch documentaries with her, spending his nights cuddled up to her under blankets in their living room, the domesticity of it almost being too much to bear.

She promised herself she was going to tell him how she felt before the year was over, she's been making that promise two years in a row but this year was the one. She was confident that even if he didn't feel the same he wouldn't let it come between their friendship and that no matter the outcome he would still be her Bellamy.

If she's being honest, all this sudden bout of confidence happened because she's been noticing little things for the past few months, their friendship having shifted one day and simply becoming _more_.

Bellamy started being more attentive towards her, which is saying something considering that he's told her time and time again she is one of his main priorities. She catches him throwing her little glances whenever he thinks she's unaware, coming home with little things for her, sweets or a flower he picked up on his way home from work.

He just took everything that he already was and decided to amp it up, making her heart ache in the best of ways randomly throughout the day.

That is how she knows she has to do something about it. It could either turn out to be the best decision of her life or she'll embarrass herself, cry it out and move on all the while having the comfort of knowing that she was brave enough to do it and the knowledge that she still had a best friend in Bellamy.

* * *

Clarke comes out of the shower and dresses herself in a pair of comfortable jeans and a warm cream knitted sweater, letting her hair down and not bothering with makeup, she completes the look with a pair of fuzzy red patterned socks Bellamy had gotten her last Christmas as a present, smiling down at the reindeers on them when she looks down.

She walks out of her room to the smell of baking cookies and to the soft sounds of festive music accompanied by Bellamy's soft humming voice signing along to it.

He's sitting on the couch reading a book but looks up when he feels her presence in the room and smiles broadly when he sees her, putting it down on the table.

"So, I was thinking, since the sun it's out and it's warmer than yesterday we could go out and have some fun on the snow."

She suddenly notices the thick insulated red jacket laying next to him and the snow boots he had changed into, seeing his shoulders flex under his sweater when he goes to shrug it on from his place on the couch.

He stands up and walks over to her, bopping her on the nose teasingly like he used to do when they were kids and he wanted to make her smile.

"What do you say? For old time’s sake?" he tells her. "I know how much you love snow." 

They had a tradition when they were kids during winter, on the warmer days of December they ran around making snow angels and building snowmen, only returning home when one of their moms called for them, spending the rest of the day drinking warm chocolate in front of a fireplace and watching Christmas movies; to this day it's still one of Clarke's favorite memories from their childhood.

"Okay, okay," she bats his hand away when he goes for another tap on her nose and laughs. "Let me just go put some boots on."

"Great," he says, smile growing wider. "I'm going to go pull out the cookies to let them cool off and I'll grab some decorations for a snowman.”

He tugs on her hair and then turns around, heading for the kitchen.

"Make sure you wear those extra thick gloves I got you." he yells as he disappears into the kitchen, leaving her with a blush warming her cheeks and biting her lip to keep her smile from getting any wider than it already was.

She exhales softly, trying to pull herself together and goes back to her room to get ready.

She puts on another sweater over the one she had, this time a dark blue one, and throws on warm leggings under her jeans for an extra layer of heat, sticks her feet in a black pair of boots meant for snow and grabs the gloves for extra protection like Bellamy told her to, knowing that if she didn't he would fuzz over her the whole time and not have fun himself.

She walks to the door already feeling a bit overheated thanks to all the layers, opening it a little warily, expecting to be hit face first with biting cold wind, she is pleasantly surprised to see that the sun is high in the sky, melting the snow slowly and warming the air outside just a little.

Her attention is caught by a shout of her name and she turns her head towards the sound, seeing Bellamy on his knees in the left side of the house, already working on the snowman.

He has a bag next to him with what she assumes are the props for decoration.

Bellamy already has a pretty big mound of snow rolled out next to him that they can use for a base. They work together for the next two and after some work they finally have their three body parts ready and assembled so they can get to the fun part.

They tear into the bag and see what they're working with, deciding on using some large sized buttons as, well, buttons for a coat. The nose ends up being a carrot stick because Bellamy isn't anything but traditional and some star shaped cookie cutters for eyes, completing the look with a giant mess of a "scarf" Clarke had created in her attempt at knitting.

They each take the necessary photos next to their creation before proceeding to have a mini snowball fight that pretty much consisted of Clarke throwing snow at Bellamy and him diving to avoid being hit.

She's in the middle of bending down to gather a ball of snow in her hands when she feels arms wrap around her waist and the next thing she knows, she is being lifted into the air, body over Bellamy's shoulder.

"Don't you dare, Bellamy!" she's giggling while she speaks and he gives her a spin, dizzying her a little, before falling backwards onto the ground.

She lands on top of him, both of them laughing and catching their breaths. She recovers first, not having taken the brunt of the fall, and stares at the picture he makes from her spot; golden brown skin a stark contrast against the white snow, constellation of freckles moving as he laughs with her and eyes watering from laughter, looking so happy she aches for him.

He finally calms down enough, watching her with a soft yet intense gaze, smiling fondly as he reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You have fun yet, Princess?" his voice is gruff.

She could tell him now, she realizes, right now is the perfect time, with Bellamy looking at her with his heart in his eyes and this sweet moment behind them, she could.

But maybe she can be a coward for a little while longer and enjoy having this moment just as it is.

"Always."

The word comes out a bit strangled from the emotion in her throat and she looks away, quickly tickling him to move on from the charged moment.

Bellamy jolts from shock, squirming away and letting out a loud laugh, retaliates by jabbing her on her sides and she squeals, falling on her back next to him.

She lays there, laughing, catching her breath and smiling so hard her cheeks hurt.

* * *

"I'll make some hot chocolate and put some movies on while you go get warm." Bellamy says, closing the door behind him, preventing the wind from getting in.

They had stayed outside a while longer after their impromptu snowball fight, playing in the snow like they were two kids all over again until the temperature started to drop and chased them off the snow back to the warmth of the house.

"Full of traditions today, aren't you?" she says, taking off the gloves and rubbing her hands together, looking up at him.

"Just figured, why not?" Bellamy shrugs, smiling ruefully at her. "We can save the cookie decoration for tomorrow."

She smiles, shaking her head. "Alright then, I'll be quick."

She heads to her room, changing into more comfortable clothes, another pair of leggings and a baggy white sweater she once burrowed from Bellamy and never gave back.

She looks at herself in the mirror, blonde hair damp from the snow and pink lips slightly chapped, eyes bright from the afternoon spent outside and she decides that no matter what, she is going to do it tonight.

She can do her move while they’re watching movies, that way she can gauge his reactions and if it all goes to shit, well, she figures she can always leave and come back here to wallow.

With one last look at her reflection, noticing the nervous but determined expression on her face, she walks back to the living room.

She finds Bellamy sitting on the couch, movie already on just waiting to press play, feet resting on the coffee table in front of him.

He had changed from his winter gear into the same blue sweater he wore when she came to the realization that she loved him as more than just a friend and that is just _unfair_. His hair damp and air drying, making it even more curly.

He turns his head and smiles, eyes soft and fond and maybe, Clarke thinks, this night was going to be a happy memory after all.

She smiles back and takes her usual spot beside him, not sitting in the empty space next to him in favor of cuddling close by his side. Bellamy responds by wrapping his arm around her, bringing her even closer and using his hand to scratch her head and run his fingers through her still-damp hair, slowly working on the few knots there.

She waits until half an hour passes before she starts to become touchier than normal, reaching for his hand that is now resting on his shoulder and lacing their fingers together.

Some more minutes passes and she moves their hands to her lap, playing with his fingers while moving her head on his shoulder to stare up at him, smiling when he gives her a questioning look.

Then she encounters a problem. She doesn't know where to go from here.

Every time she let herself consider the possibility of confessing her feelings to him she never pictured _this_ part, the _before_ part.

She always jumped head first into fantasies of saying three simple words and that being enough, but being here, right now, she realizes that it may be a little more complicated than what she had previously thought.

What's left of the movie goes by with Clarke internally freaking out, trying to come up with words to describe how she feels but by the time the credits show up on screen she doesn't even have a beginning sentence ready; when Bellamy turns to look at her, completely oblivious to the mess that is her mind, she panics and does the only thing that she can think of.

She kisses him.

The kiss is _awful_ , in her hurry only managing to knock their teeth together, Bellamy frozen in shock and not responding to her movements.

She tears her mouth away, face burning with shame and tears already pricking her eyes at what just happened.

"I'm so sorry, Bellamy." She says, leaning away from him and covering her face with her hands, to ashamed to face him.

"That wasn't supposed to happen, I-" her voice is strangled, emotion lodged in her throat, "I'm so so-"

"Hey, hey, it’s okay," he interrupts as she feels him shift next to her, leaning forward and taking a hold of her forearms to bring her hands down. She adverts her gaze, still unable to look at him but he gently grabs the sides of her face and makes her look straight at him, expression on his face tender with his eyes staring intensely into hers.

"What, uh-" he stutters awkwardly over his words, wincing slightly. "Why did you do that, Clarke?"

She lets out a distressed noise, tries to get up from the couch but his hands won't let her.

"Can we just _please_ pretend this didn't happen and never mention it again?"

"No," he says, almost cutting her off in his haste, sounding almost desperate. "I need you to tell me why you kissed me Clarke, please."

She stares into his eyes for a beat, images flashing in her mind of him, of _them_ together throughout all these years and knows that if anything, she owes it to the both of them to do this because she believes with a certainty that is almost scary that the relationship that could result from this would be amazing, special, and it wouldn't be fair to neither one of them to keep this hidden any longer.

"Okay, okay," she responds, swallowing nervously and pulling his hands away from her face, needing space in order to continue.

"I don't know why I'm so nervous," she laughs shakily, positioning herself to fully face him on the couch, "it's just us, right?"

Bellamy must notice the waver in her voice because his eyes soften, expression so fond she can barely stand it.

He lets out a little laugh, more air than anything else and tucks the same stubborn strand of hair from earlier behind her ear. "It is just us, Princess, c'mon you can tell me anything, when have you ever let fear stop you?"

The confidence he seems to always have on her, that sense of conviction that assures her that no matter what, she will always accomplish whatever she sets her mind to, is what calms her enough to be able to speak next.

Clarke pulls in a deep breath and swallows thickly, squeezing her hands together in her lap and looking past him for a second to steel herself, returning her gaze to focus on him and starting to speak, voice slow and trembling slightly.

"Tonight wasn't supposed to go this way," she licks her lips, eyes sweeping over his face to catch every minimal reaction. "I sat here next to you for two hours trying to come up with a way to tell you that I love you."

Is as if Bellamy stopped breathing, his mouth parts slightly and eyes widen, stare intent on her, hanging onto every word. She reaches a hand forward, grabbing one of his and focusing on it, not being able to bear the weight of his undivided attention at a moment like this, feeling the rough callouses, finding comfort in the familiarity.

"I don't just mean love in the sense that you're my best friend but I'm _in_ love with you, Bellamy." She gives a little laugh, looking down at the sharp contrast of their hands, feeling relieved at her biggest secret for the past three years being out in the open.

She traces the veins running down the back of his hand, tracing the six-freckled constellation next to his thumb with a shaky finger.

Clarke turns her face back up at him, holding his gaze, voice heavy with meaning. "I've been in love with you for the past three years and really, that's just how long I've known it. I've probably loved you all my life and I didn't even know until then."

Her eyes sting with tears but she forces herself to continue, the look of wonder spreading in Bellamy's face being the only incentive needed.

"I realized when you did the simplest thing, it's stupid, honestly," she laughs wetly, "you just came into my room to check up on me one night and be there for me, like you always do and it wasn't anything extraordinary but it just- it _clicked_ for me in that moment."

"It's how you're able to understand me completely, how you are with the people you consider your family." She lets go of his hand to press hers against his chest, feeling his heart beat a rhythm against her palm. "It's your heart, Bell. How big it is and how much you love with it. How you smile and how your eyes sparkle every time you laugh, how those freckles running down your nose move when you talk."

"It's every piece of yourself that makes you who you are and I can't believe it took me so long to see it." She finishes, tears on her face and chest full.

Throughout all of this Bellamy had watched her quietly, expression on his face open and so achingly tender.

He lets out a quiet laugh all of a sudden and she blanches, retracting her hand but he grabs it before she can go far, shaking his head.

"No, no, I just-" his smile is blinding, curls moving with the movement of his head. "I've been waiting a long time to hear that."

Clarke had been struggling to get out of his grip but stops at his words, breath caught in her chest at what he's implying. She keeps her eyes on him as he suddenly drops his gaze to their laps, shy all of a sudden.

"I've known I'm in love with you for more than ten tears Clarke," cheeks flushed with warmth when he looks at her again, "I may have you beat in that department," he finishes ruefully.

He leans forward slowly, giving her time to stop it if she wished, moving one hand up to hold the back of her head, bringing their mouths together.

Their lips press against each other's, just once. She lets her eyes fall close and leans into it, mouth firm but soft moving against his. She can feel him smiling against the kiss and she draws him closer to her, tongue swiping at his bottom lip asking for entrance.

He gives it to her and his tongue is slick and wet on hers, making her let out a tiny whimper; she sinks into it, lips moving and teeth nipping, tongue soothing the sting, Bellamy pulls away first after a few minutes, mouth wet and lips slightly swollen.

"So, that just happened." His voice is low and rough, a wicked grin covering his face.

She bursts out laughing, letting herself feel the joy of being here with him, sharing this.

"You're gonna be even more of a handful aren't you?" she asks, shaking her head unable to erase the smile making her cheeks hurt.

"Look who's talking, Princess, I'm not the one with a history of being demanding."

“Oh shut up,” she says, though she decides to do it for him, kissing him again, slow and deep, pulling backwards to press their foreheads together when she’s done.

“I can’t believe this is real,” her voice is soft, eyes staring into his deep brown ones.

Bellamy’s face breaks with a tender smile, eyes raw looking back into hers.

“Me either, I, well I’ve suspected for a while now but it seemed too good to be true, you know? To have you be right there with me in wanting this… I guess I never really let myself believe it.”

“When did you know? You said more than ten years but-” She shrugs, pulling back a bit and running her fingers through his hair, feeling a thrill at knowing that she can do little things like this one from now on.

Bellamy gets a sheepish look in his face but says, “Uh, when you left for college and I had to stay here taking care of Octavia, that was when I knew for sure but I was planning to ask you to be my date for prom I just chickened out.”

“Prom, really? A bit cliché, don’t you think?” She can’t help but to tease him, her love for him exploding in her chest.

“Oh you wanna talk clichés? How about a love confession on _Christmas_ , Clarke?” He dishes back at her and she can’t help but be thankful that they can still have this back and forth easy banter between them even after what they have shared tonight. 

“Shut up, Bell, you know you loved it,” she says, though she can’t help the laugh she lets out.

His wide grin melts into something softer before he kisses her once, then twice, and Clarke promises herself to make him smile that way for the rest of their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
